The Creation of Man
by BlissfullySortOfAnonymous
Summary: The ever-important question: Why did Lurline create men? To look pretty, of course!


Disclaimer: I do not own Wicked or the Scarlet Pimpernel.

Ok, so I kind of had one of those "Aha!" moments with this one. I was listening to "The Creation of Man" from the Scarlet Pimpernel, and I was like, "Ohmygosh, it's Yero!!" Well, the brainless eye-candy version of Fiyero anyway- not the way I typically write him, but this was fun!! I had to replace the many uses of "sir" in the song with "man", cuz I just don't see Fiyero and Boq calling each other "sir". Heehee

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Boq tapped his foot impatiently, then burst out in exasperation, "Fiyero, for the love of Oz, you spend more time getting ready than Galinda!"

The bathroom door finally swung open to reveal Fiyero, primped and polished to perfection and dressed in his finest. "Ah, but my dear Boq, you forget that, as men, it is up to us to always look our best, or else society itself would deter….deterima…deterormin….." _'Does he mean deteriorate?' _Boq wondered. "…well, it would just be majorly screwed, okay?"

Boq rolled his eyes. "We, as men, also are responsible for picking our dates up on time, which is not going to happen if we don't leave right-" he examined his watch,"-now.

Fiyero threw out his arms dramatically. "Why is that _our _job? Why don't they pick _us_ up instead? Remember my motto, Boq- 'A male's duty is to uphold the banner of beauty.' I'd say we have enough on our plates without having to pick up our dates _too_!"

Shaking his head, Boq said, "Dude, you are…confused. I don't know where you get your ideas from, but-"

"It's only common sense, Boqie! If you think really hard, I'm sure you'll understand. After all-" He paused and assumed an expression of long-suffering. "_Someone_ has to strike a pose and bear the weight of well-tailored clothes, and _that_ is why Lurline created men."

Now convinced that Fiyero was more than a little crazy- '_Completely off his rocker is more like it…'_- Boq stood and headed for the door. "I'm going to pick up my date. You can stay here and…make out with your reflection, if that will make you happy."

"Not so fast." Fiyero did a superhero leap in front of the door and placed and hand on Boq's chest. "Halt in the name of beauty!"

"Fiyero, I'm leaving now," Boq said calmly.

"Oh, I don't think so. No, you're not going anywhere until you've learned to accept your purpose in life. Now sit down!" He forcefully plopped Boq down on the bed and pointed a finger at him threateningly. "Don't you dare move. We've got work to do."

He stepped back and examined his unwilling protégée, stroking his chin thoughtfully. "Ok, first things first- give me your best sexy smile and wink."

Feeling ridiculous, Boq attempted it, causing Fiyero to wince and shield his eyes. "Oh, it hurts, it hurts! No Boq, no, you need more suave, more smooth….in other words, more me and less you. Watch."

He demonstrated a smile and wink that would send any girl on campus into a swoon. "It's all about the S's," he explained. "Suave plus smooth plus sexy equals swooning. Now you try."

Boq tried again with disastrous results, eliciting another flinch and grimace from Fiyero.

"Ok…" Blank stare, then, "..moving on. Those suspenders have got to go."

He advanced on Boq with a pair of scissors. "What exactly are you doing?" Boq asked nervously, eyes darting back and forth between the scissors and Fiyero, who continued to inch resolutely closer. "No, don't come any closer…."

Fiyero attacked. "Be an example to your sex!" he urged while hacking at the suspenders. "Get rid of these blasted straps!" He made the final cut and threw them to the side with a flourish, to which Boq protested wryly, "You could have just unbuckled them, you know."

Fiyero continued as if he hadn't heard. "And you'll look spiffy if your waistband has some snap." He snapped the waistband of Boq's pants, pulling his hand away just before Boq could slap it.

"Now stand up straight," he ordered, shoving Boq's shoulders back. "-and strut your stuff! But first, please iron those lapels," he advised as he noticed with great distaste the wrinkles in Boq's collar. "Better yet, wear one of mine." He shoved a powder-blue button-up into Boq's hands. "Be the king of the beasts in pastels! La, cuz someone has to strike a pose and bear the weight of well-tailored clothes- and that is why Lurline created men!"

Finally somewhat satisfied with Boq's appearance, he straightened his jacket and patted him on the shoulder sympathetically. "Have no fear, Boqie dear, the worst is yet to come! But you'll survive, I'm sure of it. Now, we've got to fix that awful walk of yours. Observe."

Fiyero strolled across his bedroom a couple of times. "You've gotta strut, man."

"What, man?"

"Roosters do; give a cock his comb and the hens will pale! Just think- of the lady and her handler, man, whose gender is the grander, man? To render total candor, man, the splendor is the male's. So strut!"

When Fiyero was finally satisfied with Boq's strut, or rather, when he'd given Boq up as a lost cause, the two men marched arm in arm out the door and down the hall, their dates completely forgotten.

Having surprisingly been somewhat swept away in their little project, Boq joined in Fiyero's boisterous singing. "La, but someone has to strike a pose and bear the weight of well-tailored clothes. Each species needs a sex that's fated to be highly decorated; that is why Lurline created..." They took a deep breath and belted out at the top of their lungs, "…MEN!!!!"

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Please review!!


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